because you are
by midnight.anamnesis
Summary: Everyone says that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words are all you've got. (humanstuck, karkat!pov, oneshot)


"It fucking sucks being blind."

She jokes about that all the time, but this time, it's different. She's not flashing the devious, unfaltering grin that you've grown to love, for one.

In fact, that smile seems to have made itself scarce ever since your asshole of an ex-best friend broke up with her. Apparently her blindness was giving him too many "bad vibes" and the miraculous mirthful messiahs— or stoned jackass deities as you liked to call them— did not approve. You're pretty sure he moved away to some new city that he and his stupid deities can terrorize. Poor, unsuspecting citizens won't know what hit them.

You shove the last of your homework into your backpack, turning to look at the girl. This time around, the corners of her lips pull down into a tired frown and you find yourself frowning at the sight of it, too. She has the whole couch to herself, but she doesn't stretch out her legs to lazily and carelessly take up the whole space, opting instead to sit there with her feet planted firmly on the ground and her shoulders slightly slumped. You sit beside her and she leans against you, pushing you against the side of the armrest.

"If I had a fucking dollar for every time you said that, Terezi," you start, trying to sound light.

"Yeah," she interrupts with a hollow laugh that is anything but _her_, "you'd be fucking rich."

You nudge her up slightly, away from the armrest and reposition yourself so you're both leaning against the soft, plush back of the couch.

"What the hell would we do if we actually were rich?" she muses out loud.

"But we aren't."

"I said _if_, Karkat, jesus. No need to be so narrow minded."

You pause for a moment, putting your arms behind your head as you stare up at the ceiling.

"I wouldn't spend it on something stupid, that's for sure," you say finally, dropping your hads back down to your sides. "What would you do? Would you fix your blindness?"

She sighs, dropping her head onto your shoulder. "If I was rich and someone came up to me, saying that they could make me see again in exchange for all my money, I'd agree in a heartbeat. I want to see my friends again, Karkat— you and Dave and Nepeta and everyone. But I'm not rich and as far as modern technology goes, I'm sure I won't be able to see again." She doesn't sound angry or sad or happy when she says that. Just indifferent. Indifferent and controlled.

You flinch when she places her hand on your face. Her fingers are surprisingly cold as she skims them across your cheek and you involuntarily shiver. She drops her hand back into her lap at that.

"It's pretty damn terrifying knowing that I'll never be able to see you guys again," she says in that same frustratingly level tone. "How am I supposed to know how red your cheeks are when I tease you or whether or not Dave has a laughable amount of blue lipstick smudged across his mouth again?"

You press your mouth into a thin line, not sure what to say but wanting to say something. Your hand reaches out and hovers above hers, but you end up retracting it instead of intertwining your fingers comfortingly with hers. She does not acknowledge your actions because she cannot see them and you suppress a sigh.

"The worst part is probably when people constantly try to compare me to my deaf sister._ Dear, sweet Latula has it bad too, Terezi. She still pushes on ward, and look at her now, with a full sports scholarship to one of the best colleges in the state!_" She scoffs. "There we go, comparing me to a sister that I'm not or ever will be and telling me to fucking _look_ when I'm _blind_! Jesus, people can be so insensitive!"

You decide to throw all caution out the window and reach out to grab your best friend's hand. Her fingers are still cold, but her palms are warm and soft as she wraps your fingers with hers.

"Those assholes shouldn't be comparing your to her, to begin with," you tell her in a no nonsense tone. "It's unfair for _her_ because, frankly Terezi, you're fucking amazing. Oh, boohoo for Latula and her speech therapy classes that she didn't even have to pay for herself. How many people do you know double major in law and psychology, somehow managing to be top of the class for _both_ of those fucking courses? And while being blind, too! Holy shit, Terezi, even I'm at a loss over how you manage that."

She's still staring listlessly ahead, blank eyes covered by her cherry red glasses, but you can see the corners of her mouth start to twitch up into a weak smile, so you keep talking.

"I know people can be total dicks about your blindness sometimes,— and I've fucking seen it— but my favourite part, Terezi, is your _reaction_. It's like you're looking into their fucking souls the way you lean in with that shit eating grin of yours. I swear, most of those spineless douchebags almost wet themselves! The way you so easily show those assholes that you're not someone to be messed with is unforgettable, and, please don't take this the wrong way, but I am so fucking turned on by that— you should really just slap me."

You hear a giggle escape from her and she's covering her mouth with her hand.

"You're such an idiot, Karkat," she teases quietly.

"Well, has this idiot succeeded in drawing you out of your uncalled for void of self hatred and pity yet, or should I keep talking?"

She moves her hand away from her mouth and she's smiling slightly. It's not the blinding grin that she's probably had trademarked, but it's a start.

"Keep going," she says. "You look adorable when you start rambling like that."

"But you can't see me."

"I can tell."

You scoff, but you're grinning nonetheless.

"Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I was about to tear down the fuckers who think it's okay to compare you to someone you obviously aren't. They're wasting their time pitying you because you are so damn strong, Terezi, even if you forget sometimes, too. Don't get me wrong, Latula's cool and fun and all that shit and I'm not trying to trash talk your sister. Well, maybe a little. But while it takes some effort for her to be that cool girl that everyone apparently adores, you're just naturally likable. Okay, well some people may not like you, but they can go fuck themselves because they're missing out on one hell of a girl."

"And I say fuck having money; I don't need to be rich. If I could have any goddamn thing I wanted, I'd want the ability to tell you and remind you just how amazing you are so you don't hate yourself into a hole ever again."

"That was always my thing anyway," you add jokingly, your lips curling up into a wry smirk.

She's looking down at her lap and her hair is covering most of her face, but you're sure she's smiling. You just know it.

Your voice softens for a moment and you place a hand over your already intertwined ones. "You know I care about you so damn much, right, Terezi?"

You're caught by surprise as she pulls you into a huge hug and you don't waste a second in hugging her back, gently wrapping your arms around her patting her back soothingly. She mumbles something unintelligible into the fabric of your shirt, and if you didn't know any better, it was something along the lines of, "Me too, you amazing idiot."


End file.
